In the Land of Milk and Honey by Jesus is Magic, E - I
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In The Land of Milk and Honey
Prologue: The Inception
He pressed himself firmly in to me, hard and smooth. I gasped loudly, sucking in a lung
full of stingingly crisp night air and a guttural groan rumbled from deep in his chest. In
the freezing temperature, I was no longer cold--and the old chill was replaced with a new
one entirely. My body burned from the inside, strange flames licked every inch my skin,
all generated from where our bodies were joined below. In this piercing pain, suddenly
masochism made sense because the pain and pleasure created the most delicious
emulsion that raced in my veins and quickened my pulse. I bit my lip in distraction, but it
only intensified the rush. I trembled in anticipation of what came next, but his hard body
had become rigid against mine and he stilled inside me.
"You...are innocent," he said confusedly in a hoarse voice, but it wasn't a question. He
carefully shifted his weight onto an elbow, the tendons in his neck pulled tight with effort
of his restraint. I felt a pang of guilt at my lie of omission, but as his eyes searched mine
his hardened features quickly transformed into an expression of tenderness and reverence
and I drowned in it.
In that moment, I knew if I ever had been innocent I didn't want to be again. Whatever he
guilty of, whatever crime he'd committed, I wanted to be guilty of, too. Whatever stake
he burned on, I'd burn for him. No cross, no burden could pull me away or convince me
this was wrong. It seemed the most natural thing in the world to hurt for him and nothing
in my entire life had ever felt better. I stroked my hand down the smooth hard expanse of
his back, coaxing him, begging, urging him on.
"Just...don't stop," I managed in a raspy whisper as my spine arced and my body
stretched, for him, into him. God, he was so beautiful in the backdrop of the navy sky,
and the weight of his body on mine felt like the half that was missing all along had now
found it's home. Underneath him I felt safe and whole and I willed him to continue with
every fiber of my being.
His emerald eyes glittered, shaming the canvas of stars that framed him, seeming
insignificant and lusterless by comparison. He ran his fingers down my cheek and
brushed my lips with his thumb, so I tasted him. No air escaped between us, his exhale
was my breath, our chests rising and falling heavily, in time with one another. It was only
seconds but it felt like a lifetime while I waited for him to act or speak. He leaned down
and gently pressed his forehead into my temple and I was certain the beat of his heart was
the only thing keeping me alive.
"Would you blame me if I said I couldn't?" he breathed into my hair, sounding as
desperate I felt, and I gently sucked the tip of his thumb. Relief washed through me and I
shook my head minutely, shyly, but I understood completely.
I took his cold cheek in my hand and pulled his face to mine. "I could never..." I said with
conviction, but my words were lost. It didn't matter though. I'd lose anything, give
anything, and I told him this much with my eyes. His lips formed a mischievous smile
when he withdrew his length from inside me. At the motion I involuntarily bit down on
his thumb, drawing some blood, and my lids closed on there own accord.
"Don't," I whimpered, as his rough thumb slid across my lip coating it with his coppery
flavor. We were blood for blood now. I clawed my fingers into his flesh, attempting to
pull him back in to me, worried he'd changed his mind.
"Bella," he sang, and I needed to see him. "I have no intention of stopping," he confessed
with no apology as he locked my gaze.
"This is going to hurt," he informed, neither of us knowing then the cataclysmic truth of
his words.
He pushed so deeply inside me, I didn't think he'd ever find a way out and then all
thoughts vanished.
Because in that moment, we were perfect.
~o~
No one ever warns you how fine the line is that separates love from madness. And once
you're there, there's no way to differentiate the two. They are inextricably tied, synonyms,
identical twins, one easily masquerading for the other, cruelly switching places when you
desperately want the other. But if it's real, you accept that and welcome them both
because in your heart you know the secret that nobody knows.
You know that it was worth it.
Chapter I - The Pride before the Fall
“Don’t move,” he gently ordered.
His voice was soothing but his eyes were wide with alarm. I froze instantly where I was
lying on the heated steel, my dark chocolate hair splayed out beneath me, a few locks
curls around my neck. In my now hyperaware state of immobility, the hand that lay
dormant by my side twitched with anticipation. Not seconds ago we were all spinning in
elated blissit was all fun and games.
How quickly life changes.
“What’s wrong? What is it?” I asked urgently and in a slightly panicked tone. Despite my
quickening heart rate, I obeyed his instruction. I didn’t question his motives because I
trusted him.
With my life.
In the background I heard the wicked snickering of a feminine voice, mocking, taking joy
in my eminent pain. I wanted to shift my gaze towards her but I couldn’t take my eyes off
of Him as he approached in careful and deliberate steps, like the lion stalks before the
kill. But he wouldn't kill. Would he?
He was hovering over me now. Sparkling green eyes squinted with intensity, almost
surgical in his focus.
I looked back at him pleadingly and his cool breath fanned my face as he calmly said,
“Stay very still.” I inhaled as he had spoke the words and it smelled like…cherries.
He readied his hand to strike, but it was too late. I felt a sharp sting piercing my flesh and
I knew the venom would soon spread. The bombus terrestris had won.
“
Ouch!
” I yelped as soon as the stinger was imbedded in my forehead. I snapped up,
thereby smacking my forehead in the cylindrical metal rail of the merry-go-round with
such force it reverberated with a donging sound.
“Owww!” I howled. I was surrounded by laughter, both beautiful and cruel. I opened my
eyes to the bright midday sunvision slightly dazedand scanned the tree lined park
before scowling at Alice who was gripping her rib, cackling hysterically as she sat Indian
style on the opposite side of merry-go-round.
“I’m sorry
,”
she said, not sounding sorry at all
. “but...that..was..priceless
!” Alice
stuttered out through her residual laughter as she wiped away a few tears of amusement.
My head was beginning to throb. I lowered my brows in disapproval as I rubbed my
forehead, analyzing the injuries with my fingertips.
“Not funny, Gidget.” She laughed again before clearing her throat and stealing my
abandoned turkey and alfalfa sprout sandwich. I looked over at the small boy standing
inches from where I sat at the edge of the platform--the boy who had been chuckling
along but had now abruptly stopped. He was looking at me with remorse.
I smiled at him, hoping it would catch. “Tristan, you can laugh at Mommy all you want,”
I said sincerely as I raised my hand to brush his cheek with my thumb.
“I tried, Mom,” my son said. My face fell minutely at his words, but I caught myself and
tugged the corners of my mouth up higher.
“I know, my love, you did your best,” I said reassuringly. He didn’t need to save me this
time. He’d saved me enough.
I looked over at Alice who wore a mildly sympathetic expression. She’d caught it, too. I
was “Mom” now, not “Mommy.” It shouldn’t matter, but it did. It felt like the end of an
era. I sighed, not knowing how true those words were. Alice shrugged and continued to
eat my lunch.
Tristan was fidgeting with the edge of his shirt, uncertain.
“Are you going push or do you want me to now?” I addressed the source of his
apprehension, already knowing what the answer would be.
He looked up at me with a brightened expression and grabbed the bar. “I guess I can do
it," he volunteered nonchalantly, attempting to disguise his eagerness.
“How fast?” He asked the question with a seriousness reserved for a professional racecar
driver taking a pedestrian for a ride in a Lamborghini. I beamed at Alice who was
wearing a smirk of amusement.
“Hmm, let’s see..." She tapped her chin in contemplation before answering. "Whaaat
abooout…
superfast!
”
“Are you
sure
?” He questioned in a voice laced with caution, clearly concerned for our
safety. His R’s still occasionally sounded a little like W’s. A little. I loved that. My smile
was so wide I thought my face would crack.
I matched his tone and said, “I think Tristan’s right, Alice. Let’s just do medium.”
He gave me a stiff nod of approval with his little chin before clasping his fingers tightly
around the tubejust barely encircling the circumferenceand letting his sneakers dig
into to worn circular track around the platform. His body strained with the effort, but his
soles quickly found purchase in the earth. Alice began humming and I laid back down on
the warm surface. I winced at the throbbing pain in my head but ignored it. Instead, I
watched the clouds in the sky gently spin into a kaleidoscope of blues and whites and I
had to admit medium speed was pretty intense for a four year old.
We spun and hummed, and didn’t even hear the hundreds of other people who were
sharing the park with us today. Or maybe it’s just that we didn’t acknowledge them. Our
lives were full and rich and we didn’t need anything else. We lived in a bubble. A
beautiful iridescent bubble where nothing could touch us.
When Alice convinced me to move here she said the words I’m sure every girl that ever
moved to this city from a small town has uttered. She said
Great things will happen for
us, Bella. Big things. I can just feel it.
At the time, I laughed at her and the cliché
prophecy. I wasn’t nervous for her, she was always destined to be successful and loved. It
was just written in her DNA. I, on the other hand, was less confident, but as it turns out,
she was right. And I didn’t really need convincing because although she didn’t realize it
at the time, I would have followed her anywhere. I should be grateful she didn't want to
go to school in Alaska because leaving Forks for NYC was the best decision I'd ever
made. We thrived here and prospered.
I felt the things around me slowly come to a halt and I knew the ride was over.
"What next?" Alice asked.
"Tag!" he announced and lunged for Alice who squealed as she dipped and dived around
the open field.
We played tag for a while and Alice and I didn't have to pretend lose anymore. After a
few rounds of being pursued and caught by a child we collapsed on the grass beside each
other breathing heavily. I opened my eyes, shading them by cupping my hands just above
the brow, and was greeted with a vision of a perfect little face, smiling victoriously. The
sunbeams radiating around his halo of honey and brandywine hair, shimmering against a
backdrop of crystalline blue.
“Ready?” I asked through my grin.
“Yep. Let’s go home now,” he answered triumphantly in his cute little voice, a little
exhausted himself.
“I’m ready when you are, kiddo,” Alice said as she stood up and took his hand. “By the
way, your head looks terrible.”
I lifted my free hand and grazed the very swollen lump and Tristan looked up at me, his
brows furrowed with worry. “I’ll just put some ice on it at home.”
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